Print Version


reader's question

Hi Doc,

I'm a personable guy with good social skills. When I meet a woman who I couldn't care less about, the conversation just flows. But why is it that the more attractive the woman is, the more my mind goes blank, my personality disappears and my lips just freeze?

Am I alone Doc, or do all guys go through this? And what about all those beautiful women? They have to go out with someone. I see a lot of them with guys who are not very handsome. What can I do to become more relaxed and confident with beautiful women, and maybe win one for myself?

Clifford -- who wants to know why beautiful women are so intimidating.

doc love's answer

Hi Clifford,

You've asked some great questions. I think that most guys would agree that any woman who would merit a "looks" rating of 8.5 (out of 10) or higher would certainly be considered beautiful. But for the sake of clarity, I'm going to be discussing the most seductive creature on the face of the earth: The perfect 10. The A plus. The woman you'd sell your soul for, no questions asked. Her natural habitat: urban centers of high finance, fashion, politics, and the entertainment industry.

Clifford, you're not alone. Beautiful women intimidate most guys. In fact, plenty of guys get intimidated by average-looking women. But when you find yourself in the presence of a genetic celebrity of the female gender, the sense of longing and confusion can be overwhelming.

lifestyles of the rich and famous

So why is this creature so intimidating? Well, first of all, since she can literally have just about any guy she wants, her standards are very, very high. In almost all cases, to have any chance with her, you have to be rich and powerful, or extremely handsome, or a celebrity (even being a criminal celebrity will do), or all of the above. Yes, the heavies go out with the heavies. (How often do you meet a beautiful woman who's dating an average-looking, unemployed house painter?)

Secondly, you've got about the same chance of finding a beautiful woman who is actually available, as you do at keeping Al Sharpton away from a TV news camera. Whenever she breaks up with anyone (and believe me, she's always the one doing the breaking), it takes about a millisecond for her to hook up with another one of the numerous suitors she keeps on a string. She'll never go it alone simply because she doesn't have to.

Thirdly, wherever she goes, she's deluged with every form of male attention imaginable. From the most subtle, to the outrageously blatant. From the creepy come-ons of the bumbling morons, to the slick propositions of the street-smart media moguls. Besides these, there are the guys who just get in her space, too timid to speak to her, hoping for one glorious moment of eye contact. A brief smile from her would send most of these guys into orbit.

But how do you make a beautiful woman yours?

powerful mamas

Yes, she's heard it all, she's seen it all, and she's felt it all. All the vibes of lust and longing perpetually projected at her. So she's usually more than a little bit jaded. And the power she wields is mind-boggling. She's also well aware of the immense power she wields, but she'll never cop to it.

Not only is she constantly bombarded with male attention, but she's also extremely spoiled. Men fall all over themselves to try to please her in any way they can. Endless compliments, outrageous gifts, free shopping sprees on Rodeo Drive, all expense paid trips to the finest resorts in the world, invitations to parties with the rich, famous and powerful; all these things and more comprise the cornucopia of delights offered to her on a regular basis. (You don't see average-looking women at Hef's house, do you?)

To make matters worse, men just don't say "no" to her. She's used to always getting her way. She's never had anyone break a date with her. (Although she's apt to break a date at the last minute without a thought if a bigger, better deal comes along.) And, she's never been rejected in her entire life. Compare her experience to yours Clifford.

Because of all these factors, it is extremely difficult to find a solid "10" who is a flexible, sweet, giving person. Most of them are quite demanding and also incredibly self-absorbed. (You would be, too, if you were being worshipped as a virtual deity every day, like, Claudia Schiffer, for instance.) But also be aware that as we move down the beauty scale into the 8 range or below, the Spoiledness Factor goes down, while giving and flexibility go up.

practice is power

Now Clifford, if all these brutal facts haven't dissuaded you from your quest, let us move forward, boldly and bravely, keeping in mind that there are some devastatingly gorgeous women out there who do have heart and soul, and are not total mercenaries or users.

The key to getting comfortable with approaching beautiful women is to practice, practice, practice on the not-so-beautiful women. Practice on the 6's and 7's, the C's, C pluses and the B minuses. Find where your threshold is. If you find that you're pretty confident with 7's but not with 8's, then push the envelope just a taste, and try the same kind of approach on the low 8's. Don't bite off more than you can chew.

Picture yourself as an athlete in training who is slowly but surely improving his game. Think of each encounter as practice for the next one. Expect to be rejected over and over and don't take it personally. You'll begin to notice that once in a while, you will get a positive response. The more you practice without being attached to the outcome, the more success you will have. Clifford, think of yourself as a soldier of love on a training mission, honing his skills.

get the itch to pitch

And here's a technique to use that will improve your success with beautiful women even more quickly, if you have the cojones to try it: Simply say "Hi" to every single woman you're interested in, and don't end the conversation without uttering these words: "What's your home phone number?" Say those words every single time you talk to a woman you're interested in, no matter how aloof she seems. If the only thing you find yourself able to say is, "Hi" and then, "What's your home phone number?" with nothing in between, that's fine. Your charming patter will come with practice. Do that for ninety days and you'll really be building some courage and competence.

As you keep pitching the beauties, you're going to wind up with some phone numbers. The more attractive the woman is, the more likely it will be that she will cancel any date that you make with her once you call. But some of the beautiful ones will actually keep the date. Then, once you're out with your A plus, use The System [a body of principles that guarantee your success with a woman that you love] and be a Challenge [allowing the woman to chase you]. By doing that, you'll be able to win her over and more importantly, keep her.

Remember guys, beautiful women respond to looks, money, power, and celebrity. But there's one other thing they respond to above all and that's a guy who is a Challenge. A guy who isn't seeking her approval. A guy who can say "no" to her once in a while without flinching. A guy who is unpredictable and doesn't let her know if he really likes her or not. By the way Clifford, all those unattractive guys that you see with the stunningly beautiful babes? They're either rich and powerful or... they're a Challenge.

E-mail me at with your love questions, and they will all be answered, with the most interesting ones printed. To find out more about The System, visit me at:


Copyright, 1998-2001. All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce without permission. Reprinted at with permission. Home Print Version